Invitation

Ankle deep

splash in the shallows

go deeper

Henry Thoreau’s quote of men lead lives of quiet desperation doesn’t quite describe my life, but I think I’ve concluded I’ve become too timid for my own good. Even saying I think I’ve concluded, rather than being definite about it, is somewhat of an indication of where I find myself at this point in my life. Another Christmas is just around the corner and something in me groans. Didn’t we just have Christmas? Where has the year gone? What have I done besides get up every day, have breakfast, go to work, come home, have dinner, go to bed?

My life has become smaller, more contained. Manageable. It’s not a bad life, not by any means, I quite enjoy what I do and my circle of family and friends bring me much enjoyment, but there’s always this niggling feeling there is something else out there I have yet to discover or pursue or achieve, you know, that annoying itch that you can never quite reach. There have been a few moments over the decades when I’ve been more adventurous, when decisions I’ve made have gone against what might seem sensible and rational, and the ensuing consequences of those decisions have taken me on some interesting journeys.

It’s definitely a First World dilemma. I have a secure roof over my head and I’m not having to think about where my next meal is coming from. I’m not buried in debt and having to eke out a meagre existence, neither is my life under any sort of threat or my world showing signs of being blown out of existence any time soon. In a nutshell, I have everything I need. On Maslow’s hierarchy of needs I’ve managed to clamber up the pyramid past the basic physical needs and psychological needs, though I probably still flounder around in that whole self-esteem maelstrom, and am now in the fortunate position of being able to spend more time in those areas of my life pertaining to self-actualisation. So, not necessarily a First World dilemma, but a First World privilege.

I’m not yearning for the supposedly greener grass on the other side of the hill. For all intents and purposes, it’s simply a different shade of green, but no matter what stage in life we’re at, that desire to find our niche, to find that particular purpose which brings us alive, seems to dangle in front of us like the proverbial carrot. In short, there has to be meaning, otherwise we might as well pack up our marbles and go home.

Bilbo Baggins’ response when invited by Gandalf to share in an adventure certainly resonates with me.

We are plain quiet folk and I have no use for adventures. Nasty disturbing uncomfortable things!........I can’t think what anybody sees in them…….We don’t want any adventures here, thank you!

But as Tolkien weaves his story, we see Bilbo, despite his reluctance, turn his back on everything he holds dear. His small life at Bag-End, his little house in the Shire and the security it brings him are suddenly forfeited for a journey on the open road with a bunch of crazy dwarves who the night before had practically ransacked his house, but had also awakened in him that elusive sense of adventure.

We all would like to consider ourselves adventurous, but if you’re anything like me you also want that safety net. That assurance that nothing disastrous is going to befall you along the way, so come journey’s end you’ll still be in one piece and hopefully wiser or stronger or more confident because of it. Unfortunately though, adventures don’t come with guarantees. There’s no small print to ensure a worry-free journey or even safe arrival. If anything, and if you’ve ever bothered to read the small print which comes with any contract or warranty, it would probably point out the eventualities not guaranteed, any or all of which could occur at any given moment.

So, who still wants an adventure?!

Good old Bilbo did. Heading into the unknown completely unprepared, with no knowledge of the inner strength he would have to draw on to fulfil his role in the quest before him, he rose to the challenge anyway. I doubt the type of adventure I seek would ever hold the dangers Tolkien could dream up, but by stepping outside of the known, beyond what he thought he was capable of, he found his true purpose. It wasn’t a self-seeking venture, far from it. By trusting those around him, working alongside them to achieve something far more important than any one of them or even all of them put together, Bilbo inevitably has to face his own inner demons on the road to discovering the true meaning of friendship, faith, courage, trust and purpose.

So where does that leave me? I’m no spring chicken any more, in fact there’s not a lot of spring in my step at all these days courtesy of arthritis here, there and everywhere. I think my ageing body will prevent me going on a quest to the top of the Misty Mountain in some foreign land, but that doesn’t mean I have to shut the door on other challenges and pursuits that call me out of my comfort zone and invite me to become more of the person I am meant to be.

Do I dare take that step?

One more step

I’m out of my depth

no foothold